"Mommy, look at my list!!" I beamed at my mom as I presented her with my tasks for the day. Everything my eight year old self wanted to accomplish: from getting out of bed, eating breakfast, choosing an outfit, and prioritizing the most important elements of my day (such as reading and playtime)! had to be jotted down. My mom had always taught me the value of writing out what I wished to accomplish for the day. Surely if it was in words, it would all happen somehow!
"Another essay?" My friends groaned as they saw the homework. Secretly I smiled to myself as I surveyed the assignment. Writing was my favorite, and I loved the challenge a new essay prompt gave me. Sitting down to an empty page and letting the words pour out always excited me. It never failed to give me a sense of accomplishment as I wrote, rewrote, and fashioned my paper into the image I had in my mind. I have never been artistically talented like my brother, but I have always loved and appreciated the beauty that can be created with words.
"Why, God?" The question left my lips in a whisper. Bitter tears of confusion and frustration stung my eyes, but they would not fall. I reached for the steaming cup of hot chocolate my mom had just brought me, but the lump in my throat wouldn't let me swallow. Instead I opened my drawer and pulled out a pen. The questions and emotions raging in my mind poured out onto the page as I wrote. Slowly but surely an overwhelming sense of peace began to weave its way into my heart.
No matter what phase of life I have been in, writing has always been a balm for my soul. Whether I am excited or anxious, hopeful or disillusioned, joyful or downcast, I have always found a beautiful peace in writing down what is on my heart. Words cannot fix everything, but there is an overwhelming comfort in freeing my mind of the complex emotions that overwhelm me. Processing what I am feeling is far easier when I can let it out onto a page.
The Bible is a book full of pages and words-over 780,000 of them to be exact! Yet of all these passages, isn't it strange that sometimes the most confusing sections of the Bible are the ones that most deeply touch my heart? I love that God has chosen to teach us through His Words. The mystery and wonder of our God is so perfectly captured there. One passage I have always treasured is found in John 8:
At dawn [Jesus] appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
What I would have given to be there in this moment! John gives us such a vivid picture through this story of the haughty, condemning pride of the Pharisees and the hopeless vulnerability of the woman standing before Jesus. Michael Card wrote a beautiful synopsis of John's passage, capturing the complexity and richness of it in the words of a song that has always touched my heart.
Amidst a mob of madmen
She stood frightened and alone
As hate filled voices hissed at him
That she should now be stoned
But in the air around him
Hung a vast and wordless love
Who knows what luminous lesson
He was in the middle of
Alone. So utterly alone. Imagine how the woman must have felt, standing before Jesus with absolutely nothing in the world to hold onto. Over the past couple weeks, I know I have battled a deep sense of loneliness. The bitter pain of loss has cut me deeply, and I have had times where all I can do is stand anxiously in the wordless love of my sovereign Savior, desperately seeking the assurance that He is in control of what appears like an impossible situation. I'm sure the woman in John's passage felt this in a far deeper way, utterly silent and dependent on the extravagant grace that was about to be lavished upon her.
At first he faced the fury Of their self righteous scorn But then he stooped and at once became The calm eye of the storm
It was his wordless answer To their dark and cruel demand The lifetime in a moment As he scribbled in the sand
Just think about this for a moment: this was the God of the Universe. His hand had fashioned everything out of nothing. His hand had guided His people through famine, drought, persecution, and exile. His hand had written His precious words upon the hearts of His people. Yet in this moment, without a sound leaving His lips, Jesus stooped and spoke to the very souls of the people crowding around Him. In the midst of anger, sin, and accusation, Jesus' response was to silently scribble in the sand.
Could that same finger come And trace my soul's sacred sand And make some unexpected space Where I could understand? That my own condemnation pierced And broke that gentle hand That scratched the words I’ll never know Written in the sand
"God, help me understand..." I feel like I am grasping frantically at something I cannot reach. The terrible loneliness overwhelms me, and I feel like I can't breathe. Yet in that empty space, I hear my God calling me gently to Himself. The wonderful mystery of that message in the sand sweeps over my soul. My questions are not all answered. I don't know why this happened or understand exactly what the future holds. But I know that my God tenderly extends this same strong, gentle hand to me and lets me know that I am not alone.
It was silence it was music It was art it was absurd He stooped and shouted volumes Without saying a single word...
The same finger Of the strong hand That had written ten commands For now was simply scribbling in the sand
What did Jesus write as He stooped in the sand? We may never know. Yet Jesus did not need spoken words to give an answer to the people around Him. Sometimes God chooses to speak to our hearts, and He does not need a pen for that. There is nothing quite like the wordless love of our God. It is overwhelmingly powerful and can speak to the richest happiness or the deepest pain.
I pray that each and everyone one of you takes the time today to step back and listen. Don't focus on the chaos around you, the frustration, loss or anxiety that threatens to overwhelm you. God loves and speaks to you right in the middle of your doubt and fear. He can silence the voices that surround you, and He will never leave you. Matthew 23:35 says, "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." God's Words are sure, and His promises are true. What a precious hope we have!
Comments