Broken and Beautiful

Looking at your pain an inch away

Its hard to see the plot

Wonder if your story is going to change

And you don't know you're

Too close to find the hope, the light

Don't know just what you are breaking

I know that you want to let go

But let me hold you through it

Let me carry you

When we are hurting, it is so, so hard to see past the moment. When you are feeling disillusioned, it is hard to step back and see the plot. When your heart feels like it is broken, it is all you can do to take the next action, the next breath, the next step. Is there really any way this brokenness will be used in your story? Will you ever feel whole again?

The other day my heart was feeling especially heavy. Sadness and anxiety distracted me as I mechanically opened up my Bible to do my daily devotions. The passage was familiar (goodness knows I have read John more times than I can count)! yet, a verse instantly jumped out at me in a way it never had before. "After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit and testified, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.'" Jesus was troubled. Our very own Savior knows what it is like to wrestle with a hurt and a restless spirit. He knows...

Guilt. I feel so much guilt. Shouldn't I be happy right now? In the big picture, everything is going wonderfully. My life is opening up before me, and I know everything will ultimately be okay. Yet in this moment, my hurt is stealing the joy that I know I should be feeling. "Why now, God?" leaves my lips in a whisper. "How is this possibly part of your plan for me? This isn't how my story is supposed to go..."

Looking at life from where I am

I promise you that

All your dreams and all your greatest plans

They don't compare to

My hope for you...my love can do

Way more then you can imagine

Reading the next verses of John in the light of Jesus' troubled spirit makes His words far more powerful. Jesus tells His disciples, in the midst of His own pain, “Little children, yet a little while I am with you...Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me...I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also."

I love this passage so much. When we are hurting, what we truly need is to be treated like a child. We need someone to hold us close, to wipe away our tears and to speak to our fears. We need a Comforter. How wonderful is it that we have a Savior Who was willing to face the agonizing temptations of doubt, fear, and anxiety and to overcome them for us! He KNOWS what it is like to wrestle with the feeling that we cannot possibly take another step. And yet He promises to give us the strength to do just that.

I know it feels you're at the end

But here your story is just beginning

And I know your tomorrow

I know where you are

Though you can't see past the moment

I see beauty in the broken

He knows our tomorrows. What a precious assurance!! When we are in the midst of pain, it is so hard to look ahead. When cannot see past the next day, the next hour, the next moment, God sees the beauty in our brokenness. He gently weaves together the story of our life, loving us enough to leave in the pain we need to grow. God will not spare us all sorrow, but He will walk right through our sorrow with us.

The older I get, the more mysterious and wonderful God's nature seems to become. It seems like I should be growing in understanding as the years pass. Yet, the more I study my Bible, the more I realize how little I truly know. One of my favorite passages in C.S. Lewis' Narnia series is the passage where Lucy meets Aslan in the woods. The travelers are all weary from their journey, but Lucy cannot bring herself to sleep. She wanders through the forest until she comes upon Aslan.

“Aslan!" said Lucy, "You're bigger!"

"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.

"Not because you are?"

"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

As we grow older, the problems we face seem to grow bigger, and sometimes we desperately wish we could go back to the sweet simplicity of childhood. A skinned knee is far more easily fixed than a broken heart! Yet as our worries grow, God's grace grows too. His love for us is never too small for the trials He allows into our lives.

Whenever I face something that seems impossible, I can hold onto these truths. Even when I cannot see Him, God is still there. One of my favorite hymns sums this up beautifully: "Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, But trust Him for His grace; Behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face." God's plan for us may not make any sense in the moment, but in the end He absolutely knows what is best for us. He loves us enough not to give us the easy path but the path that leads us right into His loving arms. He guides us gently and firmly along the way we must take.

While precepting in the hospital this semester, I have seen so many examples of parents doing what is hard in order to seek what is best for their child. Countless times I have seen the pain in a mother's eyes as she holds her baby towards us for treatment. The firm resignation and desperate desire to see her child healed overcomes the momentary pain that she knows must be inflicted. As soon as we are through, she can hold her baby close to her heart, knowing that the hurt is past and the healing begun. Witnessing the tenderness of a mother taking care of her child gives us a breathtaking shadow of the love God has for us.

So let the pieces of your heart fall into my arms

I want to be your hope so won't you let me...

Hold you through it

Let me carry you

God has promised to be close to those who are hurting, but that does not mean we can just stay frozen in our pain. We need to actively engage in the means of grace that God has given to us. When Jesus was feeling troubled in spirit, He did not just sit in the Upper Room with His disciples and feel sorry for Himself. He allowed Himself to feel and process the pain, and then He did what He knew He had to do. He took the next step. Now, thank goodness for us the next step is not bearing the weight of the world's sin on our shoulders! Yet, like Jesus, we must engage with those around us and continue to press on even when it is HARD.

I know it feels you're at the end

But here your story is just beginning

I know your tomorrow

I know where you are

Though you can't see past the moment

I see beauty in the broken

Whenever I come upon a word I don't know, I always look it up. I recently read an article about the power of "Kintsugi." What in the world is Kintsugi, you may ask?! This is a form of Japanese art known as "golden joinery." Instead of hiding cracks in pottery, vases, or dishes, the artists highlight the broken pieces by lining them with gold. The result is curious and fascinatingly beautiful. We live in a society that is so quick to cover up blemishes and throw up a facade of fake perfection. This superficial, false reality we have created for ourselves is exhausting and completely unsustainable.

The art of Kintsugi shows us that it is okay not to be "okay!" We don't need to be afraid of hiding our scars or brokenness. Jesus did not hide His hurt from the people closest to Him, and we don't need to either. Letting people speak truth into our lives and help us to focus on the good that is around us is a critical step in healing. 1 John 2:5 says, "But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him..."

Dear friends, God has promised to perfect His love in us. His plan for our lives is GOOD, and His grace is always sufficient. Run to Him today, just as you are. He loves you right in the middle of your cracks and scars. They are just pieces in the masterpiece He is creating of your life. One day you too will see how He has used the brokenness to make you beautiful. He began a good work in us, and He will finish it. What a precious promise this is!!